it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
