i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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