Barsexuality is the new black.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My bed smells like the plague
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
