another moral hangover. fuck.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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