last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
