We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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