my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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