I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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