apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i believe in u and ur pee
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
