I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
