You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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