I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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