could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize