He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
