remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
