Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
