you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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