There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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