I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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