So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just googled if crying burns calories
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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