you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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