She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
