I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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