Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am mentally ready for anal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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