last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
