He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
