dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
