My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
