You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
