and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
