he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
