so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
