If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
