You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
