people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
