i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
