I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
