so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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