Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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