I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize