I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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