She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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