We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
