even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
