No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
