My nipple is on Facebook.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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