So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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