im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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