I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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