I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
