I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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