I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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