i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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