Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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