Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?