i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's great music for shaving your balls
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.