You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That accounts for only three of the penises
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
