i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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