come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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