OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
