Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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