I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
