My sheets look like a crime scene.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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