I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
