Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
