the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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