What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
