well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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