The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
