thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
