I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
