Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
