cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
birth control should be required to get into college
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
